Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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