My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
