the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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