Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I look better un-naked...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
