I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
