...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Randomize
