The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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