there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
