Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
