soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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