I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
