He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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