He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
