508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
