I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
