I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
