The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
