So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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