i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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