fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
