Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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