i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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