In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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