she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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