Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
