I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
