im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
