Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
