I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
