He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
