; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
