i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
