Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
