Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
