I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
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Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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