names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
