I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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