Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
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she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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