Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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