I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
