Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
