I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
