rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
