I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
