we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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