I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Randomize
