Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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