it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
