woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
