Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
