Your tits are I can't wait for
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
