I faked an abortion last night.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
