Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
