and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
