I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
