I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
