I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
