I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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