You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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