Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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