There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
