haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
