dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
