So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
