The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
