i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
