I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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