Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
