Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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