She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
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