Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
