Is it because I queefed?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
