I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize