im drinking this country out of the recession.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
