she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why are your pants in the freezer?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
